Real men don’t eat quiche, and they don’t watch chick flicks. If word gets out about the wonderful romantic comedy you saw with your girlfriend, your reputation is ruined. Avoidance is far better than survival when it comes to these types of movies. Don’t learn to live with it. Find any way you can to escape seeing one of these poor excuses for a movie.

Some things men shouldn’t have to watch.

Some things men shouldn’t have to watch.

Blind Her with Science

The number one excuse is no excuse at all. It’s a fact! A 2008 Edinburgh university study found that “rom-coms” (that’s what they call chicks flicks across the pond) can ruin your life by creating unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. See, it’s not that you don’t want to watch that chick flick, of course not. It’s that you can’t, because you love her so much.

What kind of a man would you be, if you let her destroy your relationship by going to see One for the Money? Do her a favor instead and get a copy of Quentin Tarantino’s True Romance. In typical Tarantino style, it’s full of violence, profanity, and sex. What’s not to like?

Let Me Get Some More…

If your girlfriend is the touchy-feely type, then chances are she won’t go for the scientific explanation, no matter how reasonable. So get ready to spend a night at the movies. Don’t worry: It’s way better than being stuck watching a romantic comedy at home. And the bigger the movie theater you can find, the better. No excuse is needed here. Tonight, you’ll be the gentleman and offer whatever her heart desires. Use every opportunity you can to head back to the snack bar for pop, chocolates, popcorn, and whatever else you can think of. Don’t be shy to return for refills, either. Just make sure not to get everything at once. You want to spend as much time away from the movie as possible. Got it? And whatever you do, don’t hit the bathroom on your way to the snack bar. You want to save that opportunity.

I Gotta Go!

Men have smaller bladders than women. It’s got to be a scientific fact. Just watch how many men frequent the bathroom during a chick flick and you’ll come to the same conclusion. So don’t waste the opportunity to exit the movie and head for the…head. Don’t wait until the last minute, either. You want to enjoy a leisurely stroll down the hallway as you head toward the can. If you can’t find it, ask no one! Real men don’t ask for directions. Besides, it will take longer this way. You’re not in a rush to get back to the movie, are you?

Avoid the chick flick trap.

Avoid the chick flick trap.

Arrange for a Prior Commitment

Having a prior commitment, that your girlfriend assumes you’ve got tickets for, usually works in avoiding the dreaded chick flick. At the very least, it will postpone the inevitable. Who knows? She may just forget about the whole idea. It never hurts to dream! Monster Jam, WWE, Sportsman Show, or any sporting event, it doesn’t matter as long as tickets are required. See, the idea is that she thinks you’ve already made prior arrangements that can’t be broken. Fishing or camping trips won’t work unless there are reservations involved.

I Gotta Work

When all else fails, there’s always the old “I gotta work” excuse. Most people don’t associate with their bosses outside of work hours, so it’s unlikely she’ll find out if you’re telling the truth. It’s practically failsafe, as long as she doesn’t show up where you work. Should this happen, you can always explain about the mix-up in shifts and how it was too late to call her. Make sure to apologize profusely, grovel sincerely, and pour on the empathy. Hey, it works in the movies!

Remember, the best chick flick to watch is the one you don’t have to see.

Stephen Jeske is an avid outdoor enthusiast with a passion for coffee. He frequently writes on careers, manly stuff, and business people such as Steve Wynn.