Let me tell you about a couple I know. They are both marriage counselors. As a matter of fact they are well-known, even famous. Let’s call them Mark and Sherry. Mark and Sherry have spent their whole adult lives focused on helping couples. They are very dedicated and highly intelligent people. I studied their work years ago and found it useful, except… I had the same problem Mark and Sherry have. People don’t end up with happy marriages using their methods.

People just keep “working on” their marriages. People keep going to seminars, reading books, going to therapy. And their marriages don’t really get better. Not permanently. Not deeply. Now Mark and Sherry are as good as the field of counseling has to offer. And they are 1,000 times better at what they do than most. But try as they might, most of the couples they work with don’t become truly happy. This isn’t their fault. It isn’t Mark and Sherry’s fault either.

It’s not the fault of marriage counseling itself, which is a noble profession. It’s that they – and everyone else – is on the wrong track when it comes to marriage happiness. They focus on problems and solutions. No matter how many ways you slice it the problems and solutions approach won’t work. I wish I could help Mark and Sherry. They can’t afford to watch How to save the marriage because it would rock their world